Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Need a Do-Over?

So, have you ever had one of those days that you wish you could take back and get a do over? You know, like we used to give our friends playing kickball when they were too small or not very good, we would give them an extra chance to get it right? I wish I could get a do over every once in a while. Sometimes, in the moment of emotion, I say and do things that I mean, but because I am all worked up, they come out all wrong, or they don't get heard in the way I intended. What do I do then? I meant everything I said, yet I never meant them to be taken so hurtfully. If I had been thinking, taking a moment to be careful about how I presented it, I would have done it all differently. So, who's job is it to make it right? I believe that both parties have accountability. Yet, it is not okay for me to wait for the other to take responsibility before I do my part to make it right again. When I recognize my error or weakness, it is my job to do what I can to correct it and make amends. Boy! Can that be challenging to find humility or what? Especially when you want to be right in every way! The truth is that even though I still believe I am right in what I said, I was not right to say it how I did. And, in doing so, I undermined the possibility that the other person would use that information to learn and grow from rather than cower in a corner feeling hurt and betrayed. This human thing is so icky sometimes! I wish I could always do everything right, and in the right way all the time! Learning from mistakes is a painful process. Yet, I know, that if I don't choose to learn from them, then the mistake is worthless in all aspects! It only has value if I am willing to learn and make the necessary adjustments to do better next time. So, I will practice forgiving myself today because through that forgiveness, it allows me to pick myself up and get my deeply wished for do-over. I will also practice forgiving the other persons involved for not trusting my best effort and my "real" meaning of what I was saying to them. Maybe this way, I give them the gift of a do-over too. I can't undo what was done, I can only promise that I will do better next time. Does this make me a terrible person? I don't think so...it only makes me a real life human being that has real life imperfections. I believe that of my counter parts as well....they are real life human beings with real life imperfections. My heart was in the right place, and so was theirs. We just got our wires crossed for a moment or two. I'm sure tomorrow, we will all do a little better from what we learned today. At least, I know that I am going to give it a better try for sure. Because the real truth is that I love them very much and today, I'm not sure that message came through very well. So now, I will have to work a little harder to be sure it comes through loud and clear with no doubts!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

It took a freeway....

So, last night I took my children to see the place where I grew up. My childhood home is a place that we began building when I was 10 years old. I remember my parents drawing plans on graph paper on the coffee table of our tiny little tract home. This was to be their "dream home". A place where they could raise their family of 6 children and teach them all the values and skills they knew they would need to be happy in this life and in the next. I remember spending FHE's digging trenches for the footings, and then mom spreading a blanket out on the ground where our dining room would be and we would eat dinner before the last of the sunlight faded away. Over 30 years were spent in that house. Many memories are associated with it. I remember Christmases where dad was the biggest scrooge and then I remember the Christmas when he turned into Santa Claus and so he is, to this day. I remember family talent shows and singing our hearts out or playing our instruments on the stage that was the landing to the stairs to great applause...and laughter. I remember sleeping on the floor in the summer in front of the swamp cooler before the air conditioner was installed. I remember water fights, both inside and outside. I remember football games, volleyball, planting the garden, raising the chickens and turkeys, the giant fig trees that only dad would eat from, our dogs and cats, the treehouse, jumping off the roof into the sand pile, sitting on the roof to watch the fireworks, and many other pleasant memories. I remember kissing my husband there for the first time and hoping mom and dad weren't spying from the upper window on the stairs. Many family gatherings were held there, we celebrated birthdays, anniversaries, grandchildren's births, and the heartache of goodbyes too.
That house survived storms including a micro-burst, 6 children, several extra children over the years, many many of my brother's friends, a couple of desert fires said brothers and friends set, a giant canal that narrowly missed our property, and monsoon storms that would set my brothers tubing down the washes. It took a freeway to destroy what we built over 35 years ago. But even a freeway can't destroy everything we built in that house. It was a house. A place where life was allowed to happen. Where relationships were created, strengthened and love flowed freely. It's walls kept all that in for us. But, it wasn't the cause of it all. I am grateful for that house for giving me my childhood memories and for holding safe the love of our family and tolerating our imperfections so well. But it is my parents and my siblings that I am most grateful for. For the time we spent together, for the lessons we taught each other. For the support we still are to each other. My parents have a new house to call home and it seems we have just transferred all the things we built so carefully in our old home, to the new with so much ease, that I realize just how much difference there is between house and home. A house is a place, a home is a condition. So, we played last night on the spot where my house and once home stood. The house is gone, yet the home remains and will forever if we keep doing what we have always done. Love each other and pass that heritage on to our children and grandchildren.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

SO Here I go!

I have just dived into the world of blogging. My nieces would be so proud of me! They do think I am pretty cool already, but now, well, the cool factor may have just topped the charts! I will attempt to make my posts worthwhile and maybe informative with a touch of real life humor attached. Well, it may be more truth is shared than I am ready for, but, I am a fearless woman right? Or, at least my life coach credentials say I am. So, here I go, stepping out of my comfort zone and stretching into the world of technology! Ready or not, here I come!